What feeling makes you completely present in love?

Let’s be honest, we’ve all had that one date that felt more like a dental appointment than a romantic evening.

Mine was last year. I met a guy at a nice Italian spot—let's call him "Brad." Within the first five minutes, Brad checked his smartwatch four times. By the time the appetizers arrived, he had successfully steered the conversation toward his crypto portfolio and kept it there. I was sitting three feet away from him, but I might as well have been a cardboard cutout.

I wasn’t present. I was mentally planning my grocery list for the next day just to keep my brain from atrophying.

That feeling—the urge to mentally check out—is the exact opposite of what love should feel like. We spend so much time swiping on apps that treat people like trading cards that we forget what it feels like to actually lock in.

After the Brad disaster, I realized I was looking for something specific. I didn't just want a date; I wanted that electric feeling of being totally, 100% *there*.

That’s actually why I started spending my evenings on https://myspecialdates.com/, mostly because I was tired of the ghosting games and wanted to find people who were actually looking at me, not through me.

The shift was almost immediate.

So, what is that specific feeling that makes you completely present? I think it comes down to **genuine curiosity**.

When I logged on, I wasn't bombarded with hey-sup-u-up messages. I started chatting with a woman who noticed a tiny detail in one of my photos—a book on the shelf in the background. She didn't ask "What do you do for work?" right away. She asked, "Did that ending make you cry, too?"

Suddenly, the rest of the room fades away.

Here is the thing about finding that kind of connection online: the platform matters. If the environment is chaotic, the connections are chaotic. But when you are on a site designed for actual conversation, the vibe changes.

On MySpecialDates, the pacing just feels different. I found myself actually reading profiles. Like, really reading them. I wasn't just scanning for height or hair color; I was looking for shared weirdness. I was looking for someone who could keep up with my banter.

Here is what "presence" looks like in the early stages of online dating:

* **The Notification Rush* It’s not anxiety; it’s anticipation. When I see a new message pop up now, I know it’s likely going to be a real sentence, not an emoji.
* **The "Time Warp" Chat* You know that feeling when you sit down to reply to a message at 90 PM, and suddenly it’s 11:30 PM? That happens when you find someone who matches your energy. You aren't multitasking. You aren't watching Netflix in the background. You are just typing, waiting, and smiling at the screen.
* **Photo Realism* I love scrolling through the gallery and seeing photos that look... human. Not overly filtered, not staged in a rented Lamborghini. Just people living their lives. It makes it so much easier to imagine yourself in the frame with them.

I remember one specific night a few weeks ago. I was chatting with someone I met on the site about, of all things, the best way to make a grilled cheese sandwich. It was silly, low-stakes, and completely engaging.

I wasn't thinking about my work emails. I wasn't worrying about my ex. I was completely focused on debating the merits of sharp cheddar versus gruyère. That is presence.

When you feel safe enough to be playful, that is when you really show up.

The "Brad" dates of the world happen because people are distracted. They are looking for the next best thing. But when you find a community where people are actually looking for *you*, the dynamic flips.

You stop rehearsing what you’re going to say next. You stop worrying if your hair looks perfect. You just exist in the moment with another person.

If you are tired of feeling invisible on dates, stop fishing in the same old ponds. Look for the places where conversation is the main event. Because the moment you find someone who asks the right questions, you won’t need to mentally plan your grocery list anymore. You’ll be too busy falling in love with the conversation.